1. |
We Need A Little Xanax
02:34
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Call up my doctor. We're gonna need a ton of pharmaceuticals. Fill my prescription, before I bite my nails down to the cuticles, OW! For I need a little Xanax, right this very minute. Mild anti-depressants can't put a dent in it yes I need a little Xanax right this very minute. Oh doctor dear now don't be hesitant now that Donald Trump is president. Calm my anxiety. Boost up my serotonin and endorphins please. Break up the shpilkes. It's time to exorcise this orange demon away. For I need a little Xanax, right this very minute. Nothing stops the panics, we're just living in it yes I need a little Xanax right this very minute. I need a little Xanax now.
Tried all the naturals. I tried some mushroom tea and peyote again. Lavender essence. I just thank God that marijuana's legal here now. For I need a little Xanax. Something more exotic. Pass the Oxycontin. Need a small narcotic yes I need a little morphine. Should I take up heroin? Never have felt so dejected what an asshole we elected. This is abysmal. This was the worst election I have ever seen. More Pepto-Bismol. It's time to get these knots out of my stomach please, now! For I need a little Maalox, need another Rolaid, pass the Alka-Seltzer, or some deadly nightshade, and we need some artificial "Happy Ever After" we need a lot of Xanax now!
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2. |
It's All White With Me
02:36
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You've the wrong skin, and the wrong face. Though your race is charming, it's the wrong race. It's not my race, but such a different race, that it's all white with me.
You have brown eyes, eat the wrong game, you have way too many vowels in your long name. Not like my name, my name's a lovely name, "Trump", so it's all white with me.
You're rapists, you're addicts, you're hard to respect, and most likely you're terrorists too.
You're people I'm trying so hard to reject. Don't you want to reject somebody, too?
You pray strange prayers, wear a head swathe, though your faith is charming it's the wrong faith, it's not my faith, but such a scary faith that it's all white with me.
I'll build up a wall to keep out the wrong sort, and I'll make them pay for it too. There're people I'm trying so hard to deport, don't you want to deport somebody too?
And my big wall, it'll be YUGE, no more tired, huddled masses seeking refuge, I don't get youse, so therefore out with youse, and our country will be free. Cuz I'm Klan-like, and it's all-white with me.
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3. |
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Give the white supremacists a nod
Tell the Christian right that you found God
Take away the women’s rights we’ve had for fifty years
Hang out with the Ku Klux Klan, then crucify the queers
Build a wall to keep the for’ners out
Tell a Californian there’s no drought
That leaves one thing more before we’re through
One little thing from me, for you to do
Kiss My Rump, Donald Trump
I didn’t vote for you
I’m sorry if that makes you bitter
Kiss My Rump Donald Trump
We’ll hand your ass to you
And you can curse us all on Twitter
Lie about the businesses you’ve sold
Leave your wives before they get too old
Go grab ‘em by the pussy then pretend it’s not a crime
Cuz clearly you’re a pervert and your heart is full of slime
Talk of women like they’re pigs and whores
State they’re only useful on all fours
Hire Russian Hookers for their pee
But here’s one little thing to do for me
Kiss My Rump, Donald Trump
I didn’t vote for you
Your time in office will be fleeting
Kiss My Rump Donald Trump
We’ll hand your ass to you
'Fore you kill our country with your damn tweeting
I’ll try to be succincter
But your mouth looks like a sphincter
Your squinty eyes reveal to me
A narcissistic personality
Your tiny sausage fingers are
Too small to hold your fat cigar
How nice a so-called billionaire
Would take away Obamacare
Tell McCain he’s not a war hero
After all, why not? You didn’t go
Tell me how you won th’election without Russian hacks
Tell me how you plan to keep the press from telling facts
Flush the Grand Old Party down the drain
Have a bromance with Vladimir Pu-tain
Summon all the bigots in the country from their caves
Is this the way a president behaves?
Kiss My Rump, Donald Trump
I didn’t vote for you
Cuz history can not be repeating
Kiss My Rump Donald Trump
We’ll hand your ass to you
Your salty tears you will be tweeting
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4. |
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Kim Davis, Rowan County Clerk
Just doesn’t feel the need to work
She feels a higher cause is beckoning
And yet she swore she would uphold
The duties of her office old
But now she’ll face the music as we sing
Shut up and do your futhermucking job
The county don’t pay you eighty thou' to sit there like a slob
I’m sure they’d hire you in a heartbeat at the Hobby Lob`Be shuttin’ up and do your freaking’ job
If marriage licensing for you
is a Heaven or Hell thing for you
Then get another job, You’ll find it freein’
As for now I’m sure you’re cute
in your pretty new jumpsuit
Contempt is the new orange, you’ll soon be seein’
Shut up and do your futhermucking job
The county don’t pay you eighty thou' to sit there like a blob
I’m sure they’d hire you in a heartbeat at the Hobby Lob`Be shuttin’ up and do your freaking’ job
Your twins were born five months after your split from your first husband
But actually were fathered by your third
We don’t have a clue what happened to #2
But your fourth one is a keeper, so I’ve heard
Mrs. Davis, or shall we now call you Miss Demeanor
You bear the standard for nuptial tradition
You think you’re quite a martyr but you’re just a loudmouth-farter
Your conduct frankly borders on sedition
Shut up and do your futhermucking job
The county don’t pay you eighty thou' to sit there like a blob
I’m sure they’d hire you in a heartbeat at the Hobby Lob`Be shutting up and do your freaking’ job
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5. |
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Don’t speak for me Sarah Palin
The truth is I do not like you
My kid plays hockey
And I’m his mama
But I am voting Barack Obama
Don’t speak for me Sarah Palin
The truth is I do not like you
What if McCain were Chief
And then he died-a?
You’d be more scary
Than the Al-Qaeda
I cannot let it happen
There must be change
Can’t let you of all ridiculous people be one heartbeat away from the highest position of leadership in this great county of ours
Seeing as you can’t see past your own religion or say “nuclear” correctly for that matter
I don’t believe you, running around like Joe McCarthy accusing people of being terrorists by association
Because you have nothing more intelligent to say
Than You Betcha, Darn Right and Drill Here
Why can’t you see, Sarah Palin
This Global Warming Crisis
They’ll wear bikinis up in Alaska
And Mexico will move to Nebraska
Don’t speak for me Sarah Palin
The truth is I do not like you
My kid plays hockey
And I wear lipstick
But I’m a thinker, and you’re a dipstick
Have I said too much?
I’ve already linked together more consecutive complete sentences than you did in your entire debate
All I need to do is look at you to know
I demand more than you to be my candidate
The truth is I doooooooooooooo not like you
My kid plays hockey and I’m his mama
But I am voting Barack Obama
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6. |
Michele Bachmann Song
03:03
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Hi! I'm Michele Bachmann, and if I’m elected president:
I'll give you government so small
It'll fit right in your bedroom
I'll give you government so small
It'll only hurt a tad
And since all I ever do is obey my husband Marcus----Oh---
He'll be the first gay president
That we've ever had
And I studied law at the
Drive-By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
At the Drive-By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
A vote for me will surely set you free
How can I lose with such an education?
Global warming is a hoax
Hoo-doo voo-doo shady science
Global warming is a hoax
Just a made-up whoop-de-doo
But have you noticed every time there's a democrat in office---Oh---
God sends a whopping case of swine or bird flu
(that's a fact I learned at the )
Drive By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
The Drive By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
A vote for me will surely set you free
And Marcus and I will win the nomination
I didn't want to be a lawyer, but my husband Marcus said to
I didn't wanna marry him
But my church and Marcus said to
Come to think of it, I don't really even want to be here—no—
But my husband told me to, cuz he feels that he was led to
(Don't you want your president to come from the)
Drive-By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
The Drive-By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for
Fundamentalist Government Infiltration
A vote for me will surely set you free
And Marcus and I can start our congregation
And Marcus and I will ban sex-education
And Marcus and I will shun co-habitation
And Marcus and I will outlaw fornication
And Marcus and I will put all the Wiccans in jail
And Marcus and I will lock up all the homosexuals ‘til they are cured
And it will be the teeny-tiniest government you ever had. Amen.
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7. |
Hey, CEO
02:51
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1. Hey C.E.O.
Follow the money
Hey C.E.O.
Follow that gold
Nice to sell something
People depend on
Which tells them if they live or die
2.Hey C.E.O.
Follow the children
Hey C.E.O.
Follow their smiles
Is there an answer
In their sick faces
Or are you fine to let them die
BRIDGE: Follow the millions
Your compensations
Follow the dollars in Big Pharma’s eyes
Down to the gutter
Decency shredded
Into the mis’ry
Where your Karma lies
3. Oh CEO
Martin Sch-ka-reli
Oh CEO
Hea-ther Bresch
People or profits
All makes me wonder
How you must feel
Each time they die
BRIDGE: Follow the millions
Your compensations
Follow the dollars in Big Pharma’s eyes
Down to the gutter
Decency shredded
Into the mis’ry
Where your Karma lies
4.Hey CEO
Fondle your millions
Hey CEO
Now you are rich
Money gouged from the struggling public
Did you forget Karma’s a bitch
Karma’s a bitch
Why do you live?
Why do they die?
How can you sleep?
Who can you love?
And tell me why?
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8. |
N.C. Hoo-Hoo Inspector
01:42
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I’m a brand new true blue hoo hoo inspector
In the beautiful state of old North Carolina, If you come in here to pee,
And I think the she’s are he’s,
I’ll just have to make sure you really do ha-Va-gi---ant birth certificate
I’m brand new true blue hoo hoo inspector
Watching you every time you go to the can
Gotta check your fanny to make sure you’re not a tranny
Oh Excuse me Miss Ann Coulter! I thought you were a man!
It’s all to keep perversion at bay
(to prevent depravity)
(rest) to keep all the perverts away
I get to search your cavity!
Mwahahaha! God I LOVE this job!!
I’m a brand new true blue hoo hoo inspector
And I need to know if you hail from Mars or Venus
Gotta take a little peek at your God-given physique,
Sir I really do need to see with some speed your pee-----ces of identification
Tag: Hey Lady, what’s your story
Oh! I didn’t recognize you in that wig Pat McCrory
But thank you for the job!
Cuz nothing could be finer than to pee in Carolina every morning!
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9. |
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Wasn’t it rich?
Twelve candidates
We watched them all file in, all smilin’ to the debates
Send in the clowns [Sigh]
Christie is out (back over the bridge)
Santorum’s gone (shudder---yuck)
Huckabee, Rand Paul, Pataki all have moved on
So where are the clowns, we need some more clowns
Old Donald Trump
Coming in first
Showing how racist this country can be at its worst
But you’ll be fine if you’re not black, gay or Mexican
Female or poor, Jew or Muslim
Ben Carson’s staff
none now remain
Guess they found out that the pyramids weren’t built for grain
Where are the clowns, Send in the clowns
Fiorina lied (Baby parts for sale!)
Bush was so lame (please clap)
Kasich was th'only damn grown-up left in the game
Send in the clowns
We need some more clowns
Then there’s Ted Cruz
Sly as a fox
Still he’s the only one left who’s not bragging ‘bout …….stocks
But after all the debate of Obama’s birthplace
A Cuban Canadian’s fun in the race in the race
Mark Rubio
Ran with such grace
Always so happy to be in……….second or third place!!
Send in the clowns
We need some more clowns
Don’t bother....they’re here.
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10. |
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Feeling the heat rise
It’s making me squirm
The tension is mounting
But I’m standing firm
Now I gotta bone up
On freedom fighting skill
Will there be a stand-off?
Oh God I hope there will
Cuz I got One Big Insurrection Erection
Feeling an urge to insurge
I’m talking ‘bout one big need for a freedom injection
Knowing that we’re on the verge
Craving the day when we riddle the federal socialist tyrannist fascist militia with lead. All dead.
Don’t tread on me,
I’m ready to strike,
They’ve got their drones,
and I’ve got my…. pike?
But bring it on cause
down I will hunker
Just please send me snacks
and beer for my bunker
I got One Big Insurrection Erection
Feeling an urge to insurge
I’m talking bout one big need for a freedom injection
Knowing that we’re on the verge
Craving the day when I finally get to release all the righteousness built up inside of my gun
Won’t it be fun?
I want it so bad my digits are twitching
The double-set triggers in my britches are itching
My musket I will fondle
repeatedly from dawn till dusk
I got a big confession
I’m jonesing for secession
Or a posse comitatus
(though no one’s really fought us)
Come rifle through my pockets
and you are gonna feel
A martyr who is harder than rock or Basteel
Cuz I got One Big Insurrection Erection
Feeling an urge to insurge
I’m talking bout one big need for a freedom injection
Knowing that we’re on the verge
Craving the day when we violently throw over all
of the laws and the
rules we set up from the start. Real smart. Mmmm. Send snacks. Mmmm...
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11. |
Unfriend Me
01:29
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Unfriend Me. Just click the little box that says "Unfriend" me. You don't like what I say so just unfriend me. Don't troll my timeline.
I said it. You don't agree with what I said, I get it. But calling me bad names means you don't get it. Just block me, that's fine.
You like all my pictures of little kitties. But now all my actual opinions twist your titties.
Unfriend me. Just click the little link that says Unfriend me. Don't worry what I'll think just please unfriend me, and show some aplomb.
Just unfriend me. It won't offend me. You know that you'll always be my mom.
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12. |
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Sandy and Richard Riccardi San Francisco, California
Rosie O'Donnell declared Sandy and Richard "MY FAVORITE NEW SINGING SONGWRITING TEAM" on Twitter this March. San Francisco- based Comedy Cabaret Couple, Sandy and Richard Riccardi are satirizing every thing within reach of a piano, specializing in progressive parody. Over 35 million views on social media. ... more
